


The Set Up

by genericfanatic



Series: Set Up Stories [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Police AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-23 00:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: Barry and Lup have a problem, and that problem is named Taako. Specifically, Taako living in their place and getting up in their space.They have an idea to set him up with their stick-in-the-mud coworker, an idea so crazy it just might work.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey! This is a little more freeform, lord only knows whats going to happen, because it's not me.

“Well hello, Mr. Bluejeans,” Lup said, standing in the doorway to her bedroom, looking over her fiance laid out on the bed, “Or should I say, Mr. No-jeans?”

Barry smiled at her beckoning her with a head nod she was more than glad to oblige. She crawled over him, kissing him passionately as he tried to remove her clothes. 

“HEY GUYS!” A shout from the doorway stopped them dead, “You want stuffed mushrooms for dinner? I got stuff for it, should be great!”

Lup sprawled over Barry to cover his more private bits as he yelped, reaching for the covers. She turned angrily over her shoulder to see her twin peeking in from the door, “TAAKO GET OUT!” 

“What?” Taako asked innocently, “I’m cooking for you! This is a favor!” 

“SHOVE YOUR FAVOR UP YOUR ASS!!!” She yelled. 

Taako smirked, “I think that’s what Barry’s trying to do.”

“TAAKO!” She yelled, reaching for something painful enough to throw at him. Taako artfully got away just as the book hit the wall. 

Finally safe, Lup got up and slammed the door, taking a breath before turning back to Barry. “Now, where were we?”

A knock came at the door, “Hey Lup, did you use up the breadcrumbs?”

“OUT TAAKO!” She shouted going over to collapse face first on the bed. She screamed into her pillow a bit.

Barry patted her on the back, “Is the mood….TOTALLY ruined?”

Lup raised her head, “Not with that attitude,” She said, before kissing him with a vengeance. 

It wasn’t exactly the tender lovemaking Barry had been looking for, but any time together was time well worth it, especially with Lup sitting in his lap, looking at him with those eyes, feeling her way down his--

“Hey Lup, where’s the Parmesan?”

Lup screamed loud enough they got a complaint from both their upstairs and downstairs neighbors.

“He needs a new place,” Lup said, spinning in Barry’s rolling chair the next day, “Pan knows I love him, but I am actively going to kill him.”

“He’s just trying to annoy you,” Barry said, standing up as he cut open a body. Not for fun, he was a medical examiner, he was paid to do this. The frogs and other small animals they kept in a separate fridge at home were for fun. “You guys go back and forth like this all the time.”

“This is going beyond ‘fun.’” Lup said, trying to make herself dizzy, “We’re twins, but we still usually have boundaries and stuff. He’s been getting worse and worse.”

“Maybe he’s lonely,” Barry said from behind his mask as he continued to work. “Lup, come on, you know the rules. Mask on when a body’s open.” Lup rolled her eyes, but put on her face mask. Barry hardly cared about other people’s rules, but was very stringent on his own rules. “You know he’s been struggling financially. He’s like a kid, lashing out ‘cause he’s frustrated.”

“Look, I’d get him a job myself if I could!” Lup said, “But he has other friends he could stay with, surely.”

“What, you want him to stay with Magnus and/or Merle?” Barry asked, “How exactly do you think that would play out.”

Lup opened her mouth to argue, but the chaos of those scenarios washed over her and silenced her. “What he needs,” Barry said, “Is to get laid.”

Lup blinked at him, “I’m sorry, what did you say about my twin, my flesh and blood, my heart, and my dear precious baby brother?”

“He can’t be both your twin and your baby brother,” Barry said, switching tools, “I thought you said you didn’t know who was older.” 

“The point stands!” Lup said, “Come on, you can’t just...Romance doesn’t just solve all your problems magically, you know this.”

“Gee, thanks,” Barry said. Lup rolled her eyes, “What I mean, is he needs somewhere else to direct this energy. He’s bored, lonely, stir crazy. A good trip to pound-town will help with all of that.”

Lup stuck her fingers in her ears, “Lalalalala! I’m not listening! Nope, nu-uh!”

“Besides,” Barry continued as though she wasn’t making annoying noises, “If he happens to get a boyfriend….a nice one you approve of...they’d go on a lot of dates, leaving whole nights where the apartment would be empty.”

Lup’s eyebrow twitched, looking over at him. He wasn’t looking at her, but he knew the exact expression she was making by her silence. They’d only been together a little over a year, a little soon to be engaged, but had been friends for well over a decade before then, half of that time where they were together in all but name. Other than Taako, he knew her better than anyone.

So he knew the little tornado of emotions that was swirling inside her. And he knew from the sound of her sigh through her mask which side won. “So, what, we make him a grindr or something?”

“Please, he definitely already has a grindr,” Barry said. She glared at him, “What? It’s true. Neither of you two have been exactly private about your sexual lives, as I bare witness to.” The first time Barry had stayed over, and woke up to a thrilling convo about his own sexual prowess.Yes, in fact, he WAS scarred for life, thank you for asking.

“It’s just,” She sighed, leaning over her chair, “Ever since he lost the cooking channel….He’s just been different.” She leaned over the headrest, and Barry could feel the energy waves of guilt emanating off her. 

Barry sighed, closing up the body quick and tight before he went to kneel in front of her. With the body closed, he could remove both his mask and hers. “It’s not your fault,” He said in no uncertain terms. She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off, “It is not. Your. Fault. No matter how you two pretend, you and Taako are different and separate people. There was no way for you to know what was going to go down. There was no reason for you to not have left to pursue your own dreams. You’re here for him, you’ve done more than Taako could probably hope for. You’re a good sister.”

Barry was glad he’d removed her mask so he could see just the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. Lup always smiled as big and bright as her personality, so this small spark of a smile was a rare treasure. “Thank you.” 

“Detective!” Both Barry and Lup flinched at the voice from the stairs, They turned to see Detective Kravitz in the doorframe, looking none-to-pleased. “Detective. Of course you’re down here. Whyever would I assume you were actually at your desk during work hours?” 

“Hey, Detective Drag-itz,” Lup said, rolling her eyes, “What have you got to yell at me THIS fine morning?”

“We have a case,” Kravitz reminded her, “There’s been a robbery at a jewelry store called the Crystal Kingdom.”

“Oh, hey, I bought your ring from there,” Barry said.

“Awwwww, Sweetie!” Lup said, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“Heartwarming,” Kravitz said, “How nice you got in before the whole place was robbed.” The couple squirmed awkwardly under his deadpan, “Can we go investigate now? You know, like in our job description?”

“Jeez, tall dark and depressing, I’m coming,” Lup said, getting up and pressing a kiss to Barry’s cheek. Barry’s smile was hardly conscious, just the natural reaction to affection from her. 

Kravitz rolled his eyes, “Bluejeans, shouldn’t you be working on that report for the Jenkins murder?”

“I’m on it, should have it finished up today,” Barry said, trying and probably failing to seem professional. Kravitz rolled his eyes and walked out. 

Lup gave Barry a final pat, leaning in, “Now there’s a guy who needs to get laid,” she said, making him snort as she followed him out. 

Then...the idea percolated in his mind a bit….developed a little….until finally he picked up his phone and texted Lup ‘what if we set up Taako with Kravitz?’

Lup frowned at the text message on her phone, sitting in the passenger side of the police cruiser. Kravitz always insisted on driving with classical music on. Personally, it made her sleepy, but she had long given up that fight. 

She especially didn’t care as she stared at the message from Barry, wondering first if he had been hacked, then wondering if he got his phone stolen, THEN if this was a prank, before coming to the conclusion that none of those were reasonably feasible and so he, Barry, the smartest man she knew, must have come up with the dumbest possible plan. 

‘WHAT?!?!?!?!?’ she texted back. 

As Barry’s name brought up little text speech bubbles, she side eyed Kravitz. He was completely focused on the road, as per usual, and so didn’t notice her. She tried to picture him with her brother. 

It didn’t click. It couldn’t click. Kravitz was everything Taako wasn’t….serious, a rule follower, cold….the most emotion she’d seen from him was when some old violin piece came on the radio. Taako was bright and wild, a force of chaos and more chaos. Sometimes too much for her. The only thing they had in common was that they both isolated themselves. Not very good material to build a relationship.

Whatever essay Barry had been typing, he’d forgone it for a short message, ‘Opposites attract?’ She sent back an eyeroll emoji. ‘Ok, consider this: two birds, one stone.’

‘We are not stoning my brother.’ She frowned. This was getting out of hand.

‘Metaphorically speaking,’ Barry texted back, ‘Just think about it, alright?’

She rolled her eyes, preparing a list of all the reasons this was the WORST idea, when Kravitz interrupted, “Is there some urgent business, Detective?”

Lup rolled her eyes so far it hurt. “Is texting against the rules now?”

“No,” Kravitz said, “But we are here. So if you need to take a minute…”

“I’m a hundo percent focused on the job, Kravy,” she said as the car pulled up, “Let’s go catch a predator.”

“This is a robbery case,” He corrected, putting the car in park. 

“Ugh,” she groaned, opening her car door, “Buy a tv, old man.”

As much as she liked to joke around, she WAS serious about her job, approaching the crime scene that had been roped off. There was broken glass fucking EVERYwhere from the front window, scattered across the sidewalk. She ducked under the tape and approached the uniformed officer. “What have we got?” Kravitz said before she could. 

“Security cameras and alarms in the store got taken down, seems to be a smash grab sometime in the night. Neighbors reported they heard the sound of glass breaking sometime, we haven’t gotten a consistent time, somewhere between 11:00pm and 3 am.”

“And no one called it in until now?” Lup asked, taking out her own notebook as she took in the scene. 

“All went back to sleep,” the officer said.

Lup sighed, “Oh, humanity.” She came up to the edge. The whole window had been demolished from frame to frame, only leaving a few shards. “Damn, someone went to town on this thing.”

“Where’s the owner?” Kravitz asked. 

The officer nodded to a man off to the side, clearly distraught at all the chaos surrounding him. “How do you wanna handle this?” Lup asked, “Good cop bad cop? Calm cop, crazy cop? Two bad cops?” 

“How about,” Kravitz said, “We just go over and talk to the owner without playing out one of your movie fantasies?”

Lup sighed, frustrated. “Alright, alright,” and followed him over. “Hey, what’s your name?” she demanded.

“Uh,” the man said, slightly taken aback, “Lucas Miller...I’m...I’m the owner…”

“This is Detective Lup,” Kravitz said, “I’m Detective Kravitz, we’ll be investigating your case. Can you tell us where you were last night, Mr. Miller?”

“I was at the hospital,” he said, lightly rocking back and forth, “My mother has been chronically ill, so I stayed with her all through visiting hours. And the hospital’s pretty far, so I just checked out a motel room for the night, so I could make the drive back here this morning….and I found this.”

“Would you mind giving us the motel information?” Lup asked.

Lucas nodded eagerly, and they asked a few more questions about the building and the specifics, what was stolen, etc. Lup quickly got bored and let Kravitz take on the brunt of info collection, while she kept looking around. 

When Kravitz told Lucas they’d be in touch, he finally approached Lup, “You could at least pretend interest, you know.”

Lup ignored him. “Look over there, hot shot,” she said, nodding at the street corner. He looked. It was a traffic camera, pointed down the street...and no doubt covered the storefront. 

Less than an hour later, they’d managed to grab the warrant for the footage, and sat down to watch. “There,” Kravitz pointed at the store, where a grainy light went out, “Looks like that’s when the alarms went off.”

“Maybe they were hacked remotely,” Lup suggested, thinking, “We should check the power systems for the building, see if there have been any outside access to the system. 

A figure dressed all in black entered the store. With the terrible footage, they couldn’t get any detail on them, except that they’d been carrying what seemed to be a crowbar. They smashed the glass in thoroughly, stepping calmly through the window, where the camera lost sight of them.”

“Fast forward,” Kravitz instructed, “Let’s see when they come back out.”

They went forward a few minutes, and then half an hour, and then a full hour. Kravitz took a breath through his nose, clearly annoyed, “Maybe they got out through a back entrance,” she suggested.

“Slow down,” He said suddenly, “rewind.” She did as asked, going slowly backwards, almost all the way back to the glass breaking itself. “There,” The footage stopped, and they saw two more figures in the background. One was a child, dressed like a newspaper boy or something. He was trying to get towards the broken in store, but was getting dragged away by an adult, dressed like a wizard, face turned away from the camera. “Those are witnesses, they’ll have seen what happened. Maybe we can ask around if people saw a pair in costume, they might know who they are so we can talk to them.”

“No need,” Lup said, smirking, “This one I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup and Kravitz continue their investigation, which leads straight to Taako, who wants nothing to do with it.

Taako was having a bad day, which was impressive as he’d been awake for all of half an hour. 

It was already noon, though, so that probably contributed. 

He and Angus had gotten in very late last night after their “adventure.” Later than his grandfather would probably allow, but he was still very ill, and so completely out of it both that night, and all morning. 

Angus had summer camp that had ended yesterday, so Taako had offered (was it offering if you were getting paid?) to pick him up and take him home late, after he had annoyed the shit out of his sister and Barry. He had thought to reward the kid with a late night out, curfew’s be damned!

Boy howdy had that backfired.

Thankfully he had a standing offer to crash in the guestroom when he needed, because he did not want to go home right now. He’d stopped shaking, and was focusing on making an omelette for Angus when he woke up. He was such a smart kid, but it was an effort to get him to eat actually healthy things in the morning. Afternoon. Whatever. 

Angus was fully dressed when he came down, no doubt having been awake for a few hours. “Taako, can we go back to the crime scene today?”

The pan hissed as some of the eggs went flying off onto the stove. “Just jumping right in there with the summertime activities, huh?” 

Angus took out his notebook, “I want to get a better look! There was something suspicious.”

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Taako said, “Almost like there was a break in!”

“Taako…” Angus whined.

“Ango,” Taako mimicked him. “Look, the cops probably got it under wraps, k? No need to go pokin’ our noses in it.”

Angus clearly looked disappointed, but Taako shoved an omelette in his face and he perked up just a little. A knock came at the door. “Your grandpappy up yet?” He asked. Angus shook his head. He was asleep more often than not these days, leaving Angus’s care in Taako’s hands. 

Taako sighed. He hoped it was the hospice lady who came and cared for him, or maybe the maid to pick up the house, because Taako sure as heck didn’t want to. 

It was not. Instead he froze, seeing the two police uniforms in front of him, before he realized one of them was his sister, “Hey goofus,” she said, “Care to dish?”

Minutes later he was sitting next to Angus on the couch, the detectives across from him. He’d gotten the nurse situated with Grandpa McDonald, who was still hella out of it, and gotten coffee for Lup and her partner, Detective Mc-Hot-and-Broody. 

“So, what’s this all about?” he asked, “You’re not arresting me for anything, are you?”

“Nah,” Lup said, “Caught you on candid,” and she slid a grainy picture of him and Angus.

Taako swallowed, “Damn, you didn’t even get my good side.”

The other detective, Kravitz his name tag said, rubbed his temples, “Good lord there really are two of you.” He sighed, “Mr. Taako, can you tell us what you were doing last night.”

Taako shrugged, “Just taking a stroll with my buddy Ango here,” he patted Angus’s shoulder, “Got back late from camp, so we decided to go out for some ice cream.” 

“Dressed….like that?” Kravitz asked, and Taako looked down. He still hadn’t changed out of his silly wizard robes, though at least he’d taken off the hat. 

“We were larping!” Angus said, “Live action roleplay, it’s an exercise Taako adapted to play out mysteries. He used to set up the mysteries for me and I’d solve them, but I got too good at solving them, so he takes me out as my wizardly companion, looking for mysteries around to solve.” He was practically bouncing on the couch. “Is this about the robbery at the Crystal Kingdom?”

Kravitz leaned forward. “What did you see?” 

Angus smiled, “We left the ice cream shop, solving the mystery of a stolen scoop, and heard a crash at approximately 11:15pm.”

“There was an ice cream store open at 11:15pm?” Lup interjected.

“We may have stayed a little past closing,” Taako added, shrugging innocently. 

“Anyway,” Angus continued, “I ran to investigate and saw the perp breaking through the glass. I tried to get a picture on my phone, but they all came out blurry,” he showed Kravitz the footage that was somehow worse than the traffic footage. “I couldn’t get a good look, but I know who it was.”

At that, all three adults raised an eyebrow at him. “You do, huh?” Lup asked, obviously amused.

“Hey, don’t bag, Lup,” Taako said, although he was just as surprised, “You two hotshots might have the fancy uniform, but I have the world’s greatest detective here with me.” He put an arm around Angus’ shoulders. 

He might have imagined it, but he could have sworn, Detective Grumpy face smiled for less than a second at that, but it was gone before he could check. He gave Angus his full attention, “in that case, Detective McDonald,” he said, “What are your conclusions?”

Angus was practically floating with excitement about being called a detective and being asked about his logic in the same sentence, “It was Lucas Miller!” he said confidently, “I found that on the internet he’s the sole owner, though the business has been declining in recent years, and there are records from bigger chains trying to buy him out, for way less than the business is worth. Plus, there weren’t any alarms or anything going off, which means the robber must have turned them off, which Miller would have an easy time doing. Also, he was taking his time, looking to cause a great deal of damage rather than a quick entry. He would need to leave ample evidence of a break in for an insurance claim.” 

Angus smiled self-righteously, spilling out the details. Even Taako was blown away, and he knew just how good the kid could be. 

Kravitz was actually nodding, listening to the conclusions. “All extremely well thought out, Detective,” he said, “There’s one problem, though: Lucas Miller has an alibi.”

Angus deflated. “He does?”

“Motel confirmed he checked in at 8pm last night, checked out 6am this morning. And even if that was a cover, the bartender said he was drinking until close, which was at midnight,” Lup said. “Nice shot, though.”

Angus frowned, his perfect conclusion falling apart around him. “Well...maybe he hired someone to do it.”

“With what money?” Kravitz asked, “You already said he was going into bankruptcy.”

“Hey, easy on the kid, Krav,” Lup chided him quietly.

Kravitz opened his mouth to fire back at her, but instead, took out a card, writing his name and number, “If you come up with any conclusions, be sure to send them to me,” Kravitz said, “We could use more minds like yours on the case.”

Angus smiled just a bit. “Thank you, sir.”

“Now, would you give us a minute with Taako?” Kravitz asked, the picture of politeness. 

Taako would really rather NOT be alone with the cops, even if one was blood related to him, but he didn’t want to cause a fuss either, so he patted the kids’ back and sent him on his way. 

Without him, though, Taako felt incredibly alone against Kravitz, who was back to being completely stoic. “Do your recollections line up with young Detective McDonald?” 

“I mean, I guess,” Taako said, “I didn’t really get a good look at the thing, just like, lotsa broken glass, and so my main priority was getting the kid out as fast as possible, ya know?”

Kravitz hummed noncommittally. “Reasonable. But then why, once you’d ensured the child’s safety, didn’t you report what you’d seen to the police, Mr. Taako?”

Taako snorted, “Sorry. Just, no one’s called me ‘Mr. Taako’ since….damn I can’t actually think of a single time.”

“He’s got priors,” Lup answered the question he was avoiding, and earning Taako’s glare, “He probably just ran as fast as he could specifically so he wouldn’t get interrogated by cops. But that doesn’t explain why you didn’t call ME?” 

Taako shrugged, not meeting her eyes, “Didn’t think it was that big a thing,” he lied, “I mean, no one was getting hurt that I could see. I’m no snitch.”

Lup sighed, knowing he was lying. “Come on, Krav,” she said, patting his shoulder, “We got a robber to catch.”

Contrary to her belief, Kravitz didn’t hate Lup. On particularly good days, he even liked her. But those days didn’t come often. Mostly he was just neutral on the subject of his partner. 

On a professional level, she was somehow the easiest to work with. Being an out gay black police officer was difficult, but she could at least share that experience as a brown trans police officer. At minimum, they had the fact they weren’t judging each other based on that. 

On a more personal level, though, he had to wonder why she even became a cop, and more than once thought about whether she had joined just to hang around her fiance in the medical examiner’s office, but discounted that. 

Honestly, she was a GOOD partner, on paper. She did the work. She was highest rated in the office with use of firearms. And she had good instincts. But then he couldn’t find her for hours, or she’d just get bored, or she’d bend the rules to suit her needs to the point of breaking and he was ready to scream. 

But still, given all that, Kravitz was only today realizing how little he really knew about Lup. They hadn’t been partners overly long, so it wasn’t too surprising. She certainly didn’t know anything about his private life. But he didn’t even know she had a twin brother. A twin brother who, according to what he was finding, led a very interesting life. 

‘40 Hospitalized, 3 Dead after Youtuber Chef Liveshow’ he read from the article. It went on to describe an event some 2 and a half years ago, when ‘Rising Star Chef’ Taako had done a liveshow for his fans, giving out samples that had been reportedly poisoned. Taako had been cleared of the charges, as there hadn’t been clear evidence it had been him, but his career had been tanked. There wasn’t any sign of him on any form of social media since, and he’d been forced to move after being repeatedly doxxed. 

“What are you doing?” Lup spat behind him. 

Kravitz looked over his shoulder, “I was curious about those ‘priors’ you mentioned.”

Lup actually went so far as to grab his mouse and close the article. “That shit isn’t relevant to the case. Stick to the facts.” she angrily sat at her own desk across from him.

“We both know he was lying about why he didn’t call,” Kravitz said, making Lup tense uncomfortably, “I think he’s hiding something.”

Lup scoffed, “No duh,” she said, “He was hiding the fact he’s a little shit who doesn’t like going to anyone for help. Especially not me…” her anger trailed in her last sentence. 

Kravitz raised an eyebrow. She looked up at him for a moment, but then went back to typing and ignoring him. She was pretty good at that second one. “This wasn’t his first offense,” Kravitz continued, knowing she could hear him even if she pretended not to. “A sentence served in juvie...several counts of petty theft and minor assaults...disorderly conduct….often associated with his twin--”

“I get it,” she cut him off. “Look, I. I get it. Our dark traumatic backstory was...dark and traumatic. But we had each other’s backs until….” her face turned pained, “I was...undercover,” she said slowly, “Taking down the Black Glass Circle. Traffickers. I was gone for...for a few years. And when I came out, he was on trial.” her breath was shuddered. “Anyway. That’s what he was hiding. No need to press him anymore.” 

Kravitz hummed again, thinking. He was staring more into space rather than looking at her, but that accidentally made it seem that he was staring at her. “What?” She demanded of him.

Kravitz blinked, coming back to himself. “I think you may be too close to this one,” he said. 

She turned back to glare at him. “What, are you going to make me recuse myself?” she demanded, “Because of one witness? He barely even saw it, and don’t TELL me he’s a suspect. The ice cream man and the kid confirm he was only there long enough to get a glimpse and then ran.” 

“I don’t suspect him,” Kravitz said, trying to appease her. “But I also think he saw more than he’s telling. And I don’t think he’s going to tell you about it.”

Lup scoffed, “And what, you think he’s going to tell you? You said yourself, me and him are the same, and I don’t trust you. What makes you think HE would?”

“I know how to get people to talk,” he said. At her shocked face, he waved her down, “In conversation, Detective, calm down, I’m not going to torture your brother.”

She rolled her eyes and typed more at her computer. “If you wanna try be my guest. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Noted.” Kravitz said, “Would you arrange the meeting for us?” 

Lup looked up at him, “What, like, ask him to come in?”

Kravitz hummed, “I don’t think he’d be comfortable coming to the station…” he said, “You can pick a place. A neutral location where we can talk, but there are people around.”

Lup snapped her attention back to him, “Are you asking if I can set you up with my baby brother on a date?” 

Kravitz actually spluttered. “WHAT?” he demanded, “I mean….that’s...this is part of the CASE, Detective, I’m not…”

She was smirking, but whatever the smirk was hiding, he couldn’t tell. “Alright,” She said, “I’ll set it up. Text ya the deets later, k?”

Kravitz blinked, “Ok, I think I understood enough words in that sentence to get the context.”

Lup rolled her eyes again, “Buy a smartphone!” she said, taking out her own phone and opening her texts. 

‘So, how do you feel about going out to the Chug ‘n’ Squeeze with my partner?’

‘Like a date?’ 

‘Just a conversation in a public place. It’s to make you feel more comfortable.’

‘Seems like a date.’ 

‘Make of it what you will.’

‘Hmm. Im definitely not against it. The boy’s a hottie, I mean is it legal for him to be an officer of the law when he open-carries those sharp cheekbones?’

‘So you’re up for it?’ 

‘Does he ever smile?’

‘Only once confirmed. Filing some particularly horrendous paperwork.’

‘Is that hot or weird? You know what, I’ll go with hot. K, sign me up.’

Lup smirked, switching her message box to her chain with Barry. 

‘Operation Taakitz underway.’

‘What the hell is a Taakitz?’

‘*looks dramatically out the window* why does no one understand me?’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Taako head to the Chug and Squeeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole thing over the past 2 days, so I'll update the next two chapters.....actually it'll have to be monday and tuesday because I can't do it at home right now. Ooops, sorry to leave you for the weekend, but you'll get an update 2 days in a row!

“So,” Kravitz said, standing outside the Chug and Squeeze, “This definitely isn’t what I was expecting.”

Taako shrugged, “You know, doing a shared activity promotes bonding,” Taako said. 

“Where did you hear that?” Kravitz asked as he opened the door for them both. 

Taako smirked, “My friend’s a dog trainer.”

Kravitz had so many protests in that, but he let them all go, following Taako to the table set out, a pair of wheels plugged in next to each other. “So, I’ve never done this before.”

“Neither have I!” Taako smiled, picking out which wine he wanted, “But I’ll be amazing at it still, natch.”

Kravitz just sighed, “You really are your sister’s brother.”

“And here I just couldn’t see the family resemblance,” Taako smirked at him, “Come on, pick your clay.” 

Kravitz had no idea what he was doing, no clue how much clay would be needed for what project, and so just took a chunk and slapped the thing on his wheel. “So,” He said, as Taako had already started working, “I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the Crystal Kingdom.”

“And I, didn’t.” Taako said, spinning the clay to get a shape. 

Kravitz sighed, trying to think of the best approach here, “You’re a lot smarter than you present yourself,” he started, and that definitely got Taako to raise an eyebrow. “Your sister thinks you were just too embarrassed to tell her what you saw.” 

“And you don’t?” Taako asked, raising an eyebrow but keeping his eyes on his work. 

Kravitz took a deep breath, “I think you saw something, but you don’t want your sister to worry about you. So you lied.”

Taako scoffed, “Because you know me SO well.”

“I read your records,” Kravitz said. Taako’s wheel stopped spinning and he froze, “I know about the live show incident. And your sister told me how worried she was for you when she came back.”

Taako was keeping his face calm, re-focusing on the clay, but his jaw was set. “Bad start, kemosabe,” he said, “If you wanted my deep dark secrets, you just double locked the door.”

“I don’t need your deep dark secrets,” Kravitz said, “I haven’t earned those, that’s fine. I just need to know what you’re keeping from Lup.”

Taako paused, looking from side to side shiftily, and then leaned in next to Kravitz, so close he could smell his shampoo. It smelled flowery and...really good. “In 5th grade, I told her Greg Grimaldis stole her $15,” he whispered in Kravitz’ ear, “But really, I took it cause an older kid told me he could buy me weed.” Taako was grinning like the cat who ate the canary as he leaned back, “Turned out to be oregano, so cool the cop jets on that confession.”

Kravitz looked at him unimpressed. “Not exactly what I meant,” he said. 

Taako shrugged, “You shoulda been more specific,” he said, “Work on your clay before the teacher comes over and yells at us.”

Kravitz sighed, facing the lump of clay before him. Hesitantly, he pressed on the pedal. Not hesitant enough though, as the wheel spun to life and the clay went flying with a ‘Sploosh!’ on the floor. 

Taako was howling with laughter, bent over his own wheel and clutching his stomach. The rest of the class looked at them awkwardly, and Kravitz wondered if it was possible for him to just melt through the floor. 

The teacher came over and re-delivered the instructions on how to work the clay. Kravitz had never felt like a shamed schoolboy since he was a shamed schoolboy. By the time he left, Taako had fallen back to just giggles, as Kravitz tried to smooth out the clay as instructed. He couldn’t manage to do it evenly, but at least it stayed on the wheel. 

“I have an arrest record too,” Kravitz spoke up, not looking at Taako himself, but feeling the glances out the corner of his eye. 

“Really?” Taako said, “What for, driving too perfect?”

“Hardly,” Kravitz said, taking a deep breath. He didn’t like telling this story often, but he needed to gain Taako’s trust somehow. “I got into a bar fight.”

“What?” Taako said, now fully intrigued, “You, Mr. Fancy-pants?”

“I wasn’t always ‘Mr. Fancy-Pants,’” Kravitz said, thinking back on his youth, “Well. Maybe I was.” He shrugged, “Anyway, that’s my secret that I haven’t told Lup.”

“Oh, nonono, bubala,” Taako said, “This is WAY too juicy, you gotta dish. What happened? Who was this with? How drunk off your ass were you?”

“Pretty drunk,” Kravitz said, “But it wasn’t….I mean, it was just stupid. I was at a bar with some friends from college, underage with a fake ID, and this guy thought I was hitting on him.”

“Were you?” Taako asked, leaning in.

Kravitz sighed, thinking back. “Maybe,” he said, earning a snort from Taako, “Anyway, he and his frat brother buddies took offense to the very INCLINATION of dating a guy, so decided to show me how straight they were by beating me to a pulp.”

He was still focused on his clay, but he could have sworn he saw Taako wince at that. “Jeezy Chreezy. You got arrested for being beat up?”

Kravitz bit back a smirk. “I said beating me up was their intention. I didn’t say they succeeded.”

That brought Taako’s smile back, “Hell yeah, beat their asses!” Taako playfully punched him on the shoulder, which Kravitz just rolled his eyes at. “How many were there? Did you take ‘em all down? Did you say anything cool after?”

“Definitely not,” Kravitz said, “I don’t remember much after that except waking up in a holding cell. The frat brothers, of course, got off scot free once one of their daddies called the station.”

Taako scoffed, going back to his own clay, “Ugh, typical,” he said, “Tell me where they are, I’ll beat their daddies up too!”

Kravitz looked him over, “No offense, but I don’t think you could take them.”

“Hey!” Taako said, almost sincerely offended, “I may not be built like a brick house, but I’m surprisingly flexible. Friends call me the Flip Wizard!”

Kravitz actually snorted at the nickname, but that may have been a cover to push aside some dangerous thoughts. He really hadn’t been thinking anything of Taako when they’d first met, other than how similar he was to Lup, but ever since she had called this meeting a ‘date’....he had a hard time not thinking of it that way too. And being told how flexible Taako was wasn’t helping. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said, “I don’t even mind. If that hadn’t happened, I never would have become a cop.”

Taako perked up again, “You can’t just drop something like that and expect me to be satisfied!” Taako said, “Dish, boy!”

Kravitz looked up from his clay. It still just looked like a lump, but a different shaped lump. “I was...angry,” he said, “For ages after the incident, that they got special treatment. I wanted to make sure the system was fair, to everyone. A lofty goal, perhaps, but I at least I could do my part. I could be there, to make sure in MY jurisdiction, on MY cases, criminals are treated equally, no matter who their parents are, or what skin color they have, or who they love,” he sighed, “Or so I try, anyway.”

Kravitz couldn’t read Taako’s expression, but he could at least see there must have been a lot of thought happening behind his eyes. What those thoughts were saying, he had no idea. “Very noble, homie.” As if realizing he’d been caught staring, he went back to his work. 

Kravitz went back to his clay as well. “So,” he said, “Your turn.”

Taako chuckled, “What?”

“I told you a secret,” Kravitz said, “Now it’s your turn.”

“Oh, is THAT the game we’re playing?” Taako said, and there was something in his voice that made Kravitz want to laugh along. He didn’t, but he could feel it.

“It doesn’t have to be a game,” Kravitz said, “But it that’s what gets you to talk, then sure.”

Taako sighed, “I’m allergic to peanut butter,” he said, “But peanut butter cookies are just so Darn Good, sometimes I just eat them and then shoot myself with an epipen.” He smirked, “Now that you REALLY can’t tell Lup, because she WILL kill me.” He shuffled in his seat, looking way too proud of himself. “Your turn.”

Kravitz managed to stop himself groaning. He really was Lup’s brother, therefore he was not going to make this easy for him. “Once, I went undercover with a British accent.” 

Taako snorted, “You can do a British accent?”

“No,” Kravitz admitted, “It wasn’t a very successful mission.” Taako chuckled again, “Your turn.” 

Taako sighed, thinking, “I tell everyone I hate Justin Bieber, but I actually kinda like some of his songs.”

Kravitz smiled. “I wanted to be a conductor when I was growing up.”

“Train or music?”

“Definitely music,” Kravitz said. 

“Good,” Taako said, “Because my secret is that I hate trains.”

He said it like a joke, but he actually looked a little sad. Kravitz remembered reading in his report that he and his sister had been picked up on a train once, running away from home. He thought better than to bring that up. “I haven’t been on a date in over two years,” Kravitz said, continuing the game.

Taako’s smile was still a little sad. “Nor have I.”

He didn’t add any more details, so Kravitz accepted that as the secret. “I live with my mom,” he admitted, getting Taako’s attention again, “Well, more like, we live together. She has epilepsy, can’t drive, which means it’s hard to hold down a job, but...we work well together, so I don’t mind.”

Taako’s smile grew into something more sincere, the sadness melting from his eyes. “I live with my sister and her fiance so I can’t judge.”

“That’s not a secret,” Kravitz said.

Taako frowned, clearly not upset, “YOU didn’t know it.”

“But Lup obviously does,” Kravitz said, “These are supposed to be secrets Lup doesn’t know.”

Taako huffed, “But Lup knows me way better than she knows you! It’s not fair!”

Kravitz shrugged, “Sorry, those are the rules.” 

Taako groaned, turning back to his project. It was actually turning into more of a shape, and was recognizable as a bowl. A simple bowl, but that was more than what Kravitz had. “You read all about me, right?”

Kravitz blinked. There was a hesitancy in Taako’s voice he didn’t know what to do with. “Yes. What I could find, anyway.”

Taako took a sharp breath, “The guy who actually poisoned the food? He was trying to kill me.”

Kravitz wheel stopped turning as fast as his brain. The movement ruined whatever it was he was trying to make, but he didn’t care, staring at Taako. Taako was just still molding his clay, like he’d told Kravitz about his breakfast that morning. “Why?”

“Ah-ah,” Taako scolded him, “That’s a whole separate secret.” His smile fell off his face, “Doesn’t matter anymore. The guy fled the country. Lup thinks we don’t know WHO did it, that someone was trying to sabotage my career or something. But nope.”

Kravitz blinked, trying to think of something to say. Anything. “I...don’t think I have any secrets like that.” 

Taako smirked, “I’d be freaked out if you did,” He said, “I’ll skip to the end of the game, if you like, but you’re not going to like the answer.”

Kravitz frowned. He had almost forgotten the point of going back and forth like this. Quickly, he remembered his objective in this whole meeting and nodded, “Alright.”

Taako sighed. “I didn’t see the break in. Not the guy, not the glass. I mean I heard it, ‘cause that’s why I was chasing the kid down, but uh.” He swallowed, nerves breaking through his facade. “Around the corner, all I saw was this car. It was the same kind of car my ex--the guy,” he flinched, realizing he had revealed yet another secret, “It was the same one he had. Seeing it sent me into an anxiety attack. So I grabbed the kid and I ran the hell out of there.” 

It was hard to see, Kravitz doubted he’d even be able to tell if he wasn’t a detective, but Taako was shaking just slightly. His instinct was to reach over and provide some physical comfort, but he was pretty sure that would be unwelcome right now. 

“Anyway,” Taako said, face set, “That’s it. That’s why I didn’t tell Lup. Sorry it doesn’t help your case.” 

Kravitz was dumbfounded, but he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the case. He’d met Taako all of twice, and felt like he knew him better than some of the officers at his precinct. Then again, he’d rarely made much an attempt to get to know them as he had been with Taako. He certainly hadn’t shared anything about himself. Now, he was feeling slightly empty of things to share. “Do you want me to do my British Accent?” he offered.

Taako screwed up his face, confused, “What?” He said, “I mean, absa-fucking-lutely, but like, why?”

“I’ve run out of secrets,” he said, “And you’ve told 2 in a row, so. This is what I’ve got.” 

Taako chuckled, “Sure, let ‘cha boy hear it.”

Kravitz cleared his throat. “Yew have the right to remain silen’, anythin’ yew say can and will be used in a cour’ of law.” 

Taako kept a straight face for all of two seconds before bursting into laughter, enough to get the glares from the other students and the teacher, but Taako paid them no mind, wiping his eyes with laughter. 

Kravitz couldn’t hold it in any longer. Seeing Taako laugh like that pulled his smile right onto his face. He felt….warm. In a way he was pretty sure he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Taako’s laughter eventually died down to chuckles, “You’re nothing like Lup told me, you know.”

“I would hope not,” Kravitz said, “Did she tell you I was a stick in the mud? What’s that name she had, ‘Drag-itz?’”

“All the above, homie,” Taako said, still chuckling, “Might have implied a paperwork fetish.” 

Kravitz rubbed the bridge of his nose. “We just have...different philosophies when it comes to police work.”

Taako smirked, “Come here,” He said, making room next to his pottery. Kravitz looked at his own for a second, but there wasn’t much to abandon, so he scooted his chair closer to Taako. “See this,” Taako said, shaping the inside of his bowl a bit, “Imagine this was filled with beads.”

“Bees?”

“Beads!” Be-Ee-A-Dee, work with me here.”

“Oh, ok,” Kravitz said, looking down, and trying to picture it filled with beads, “Why is the bowl filled with beads?” 

“The beads are all people who commit crimes,” Taako said, “It’s a metaphor, obvy. So, at the center of the bowl, are the real baddies, the murderers, the rapists, the drunk drivers. People who can hurt someone, ya know?”

Kravitz nodded slowly, not really sure where this was going, “Uh, ok?”

“Those are the ones you gotta focus on, as an officer of the law, mk?” he reached in to shape the base of the bowl, “But HERE along the edges, are people committing crimes just to get by. People who aren’t hurting others, but are trying to survive a shitty system. That’s where me and Lup fall.”

Kravitz’ frown deepened, “I’m not sure I’m following.”

Taako sighed, and let the wheel stop turning, “You’ve been so focused on making sure the criminals are all being treated the same, you’re not questioning about the laws they’re breaking,” Taako said, “Those guys who beat you up….it’s more than you both getting arrested for the same crime and you getting off scot free. You shouldn’t have been arrested in the first place for defending yourself.”

“I did a little more than defend myself,” Kravitz said, “And there’s the underage drinking thing.”

Taako waved him off, “You weren’t hurting anybody, not til they started it. And all those crimes we did as kids? Lup and I weren’t hurting anyone. We were just trying to get by. So that’s her perspective in all this,” he pulled back just a little. 

Kravitz looked up at him, realizing that in watching his pottery demonstration, he had gotten well up into Taako’s space. Taako wasn’t backing up though...so neither did he. “I guess...I could try being a bit more flexible.”

“I’d like to see that,” Taako said, smirking.

Kravitz smiled, “Even with a stick in the mud who lives with his mother and learned his British accent from Dick van Dyke?”

Taako chuckled, and he was leaning in just a little, Kravitz leaned in too, “As long as you’re ok with a secret Beleiber who gets freaked out by a silver Rav-4.”

Taako was closing his eyes now, and Kravitz really, REALLY wanted to as well, but his words sent alarm bells into his brain, his police officer side taking over. “Wait, what?”

He tried not to see the disappointment in Taako’s eyes as he re-opened them. “I know right?” he said, “It’s a stupid common car. I need to get this shit on lockdown so I don’t freak out on the highway.”

“No, just,” Kravitz leaned back, “You saw a Rav-4 at the crime scene? A silver one? Did you get a license plate? A year on the car?”

Taako’s amusement was melting fast, “Yeah, I absolutely halted my anxiety attack just so I could write down the info. What’s going on?”

Kravitz’s brain was turning, “I’m just...I’m getting this feeling…”

Taako leaned in again, and his hand was reaching for Kravitz’s, “I feel it too. I haven’t--”

“No, not that kind of feeling,” Kravitz said, and he hated himself for pulling away, “I mean, that too, but, It’s just, I, um,” He looked back into Taako’s eyes, “I have to go.”

Taako blinked, and Kravitz could see the last of his warmth fall away, replaced by the wall of ice wrapped around him when Kravitz first met him. “Now?!” he demanded. 

“Sorry,” he said lamely, grabbing his coat and running for the door.

He didn’t let himself look back to see Taako’s reaction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup wakes up to a very upset twin brother, and does what she has to to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise i have internet this weekend!

Lup woke up to a clang in the kitchen. Her first thought was robbers, but as there was more noise and a little grunting, she recognized it as just her brother and fell back into bed. 

She couldn’t go back to sleep as more clangs and grunts came from the kitchen. She opened her eyes just a smidge and saw Barry was tense too, meaning he wasn’t really asleep, just pretending. “Can you take this one?” she muttered.

“He’s your brother,” Barry mumbled, hanging onto sleep by a thread.

Lup groaned, “Before sunrise he’s your brother.” 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Barry said, half muffled by his pillow. 

Lup sighed, pulling herself up with herculaen effort, and reluctantly pulling herself from her nice soft, warm bed. 

It felt like an eternity later when she shuffled into her kitchen, where Taako was attacking everything with a vengeance, “Hey Dingus,” she said, “What’d the kitchen do to you?”

“I’m just re-organizing,” Taako said, slamming the cabinet door shut. It didn’t close, getting stuck on a pot handle. He slammed on it, again and again, trying to make it fit.

Lup made it to him, grabbing his hand, “Please don’t break my cabinets,” she said. 

Something in her words made him angry, but he abandoned the cabinet to go grab more dishes, which Lup now realized were all piled on the counter. “Seriously, what are you doing?”

“Konmari,” Taako said, going through the dishes, “I pick them up, and if it brings joy, I keep it. If it doesn’t it goes in the garbage.” He picked up a spatula, frowned at it, and tossed it to the side. 

Lup’s reflexes thankfully turned on just in time to grab the spatula before it landed in the garbage, “Does Konmari have to be at fuck-o-clock in the morning?”

“No time like the present,” Taako said, “And it wasn’t like I could sleep, so,” He shrugged, picking up a whisk. 

Lup took the whisk from his hand too, before he could throw away anything else. “I’m going to take a wild stab and say the date didn’t go well.”

Taako’s face screwed up confirming her suspicions. “It wasn’t a date,” he said, “He just wanted information, that was all.” 

She raised an eyebrow at him, “I warned you he was dull as a spoon.”

“He wasn’t--” he started, but quickly caught himself, seeming to bite on his tongue, “I mean. It wasn’t that. He was. He. “ He gave up, “I don’t have an end to this sentence.”

Lup highly doubted that. She put both the whisk and spatula off to the side and sat on the counter herself. “Is this a ‘I stab a bitch’ type of bad date, or a ‘we throw darts at his picture?’”

“Neither,” Taako said, sulking like a teenager, “It wasn’t...it was a GOOD date. Or, I thought it was...he didn’t...he was nice…”

Lup blinked. Then blinked again, taking in her brother’s body language. “Oh, God, you actually like him?!”

Taako flinched from the words like she’d stabbed him, crossing his arms to keep himself closed off. “You were the one who set us up.”

“Yeah, ‘cause’ he’s hot,” Lup said, “I thought maybe you’d get a quick fuck out of him at best, or you’d both just be uninterested.” she scooted to the edge of the counter, “What happened?”

Taako shuffled, tensing up as much as he could. “He just...we talked,” he said, “He wanted me to share about the night….and he shared too.” He sounded so small, so….un-Taako-y. With all the shit they’d gone through, Lup had only heard him like that one other time, when she got back from being under cover “It was just talking, but...it was nice.”

Lup frowned, watching him like a hawk. “And then?”

Taako flinched, “He just...left.”

Lup blinked. Of all the ways for Kravitz to have fucked this up, that wasn’t what she was expecting. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

Taako looked up, “Look, no, look, there’s no reason to do that, ok?” He said, “Just like, simmer down, goofus, it’s not the end of the world or whatever, ya know?”

“Taako,” Lup said, tilting her head to the side, “He hurt you.”

Taako shrugged, uncomfortably shifting on his feet, “It’s not his fault. He just….I mean, you can’t blame a guy for not being interested, right?” He shrugged again, “It was weird, but it’s not like I can blame him.” 

“What do you mean?” Lup asked.

Taako opened his mouth a couple times, words refusing to come out. “Just tell me,” Lup pleaded, “Please? I just want to help.”

Taako laughed for half a moment, but there was no mirth to it. “You’re already helping. More than most would. I mean, you gave me a place to stay. You got me a hot date, which was nice of you. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I AM worried about you,” Lup said, hopping off the counter, “Why are we like this? When did you and I….there’s a wall between us, Taako.” She held his shoulders “help me take it down. Please.”

Taako snorted again, head bowed so he didn’t look in her eyes. “What if the wall’s the only thing keeping me up?”

Lup blinked her tears back, “You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” he insisted, “Look at me, Loopy,” he said, using a childish nickname he knew she hated, “I’m a fucking wreck. A part time babysitter in my THIRTIES. My career exploded in my face, I can’t have any kind of public life at all anymore, and everyone else is moving on without me.”

Lup shook her head, “I don’t understand--”

“Magnus is married,” Taako said, “Merle’s like, doing the thing where he’s getting back with his kids. Lucretia and Davenport are off with their career take offs or whatever, ANGUS is set to be the world’s greatest detective before his 12th birthday, and you….”

Lup’s hands tightened on his shoulder, “Me?”

“You don’t...need me anymore.”

Lup felt her heart break, and she pulled Taako close like tape, to hold together the broken pieces. “Don’t say that,” She begged him, “Don’t you ever, ever, EVER say that. You’re my heart, Taako,” She sniffled and she could feel him crying too, “You’re my heart. I could never be without you.”

“You were gone for 2 years,” Taako cried, “And my life completely fell apart. But you were just fine. You were doing well.” He sniffled into her pajamas, but she didn’t care, “You’re getting married. You don’t need...I can’t stay around here forever. I know that.”

Lup held him closer as she felt a cold shiver go through her. She wondered….she thought she’d been careful, but maybe some of her irritation, her genuine irritation, not the joking jabs and banter, had slipped through. She had made him feel unwanted. 

“It’s ok,” Taako said, very softly, “It’s good even. Us to have our own separate lives.” He sniffled, “For a moment, a split moment….I thought things could be better with Kravitz. I could get out of your hair, maybe. I just.”

Lup grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to face her, “Look at me, ‘Ko,” she said. His eyes stayed downcast, tear tracks down his cheeks, “Look at me!” that surprised him enough for her to catch his eyes. “You’re more than my heart,” she said, “You are my home. You always have been. No matter where we were, if we were together, we were home, right?” His nod was very small. “When I was gone, I was ok, but I wasn’t HOME. And you, you will ALWAYS have a home with me, understand? Tell me you understand.” 

He didn’t nod this time, not even a little. That broke her heart all the more. She didn’t know how to convince him, how to show him. 

They just stared at each other, until they felt another presence. Barry had at some point snuck up right beside them. Well, Lup was unsure how much sneaking he had to do, given how focused she was on Taako. 

Barry’s attention was on Taako as well though, “Hey bud,” he said, wrapping an arm around him. “Come on, let’s get some ice cream. We can have some delivered on postmates.”

Barry lead Taako away and towards his room. “Can we order peanut butter cup?”

“No, I will not let you self harm with peanut butter.”

“Damn.”

Lup was grateful to Barry. He always knew what to do when she didn’t. Taako couldn’t accept anything in this state, he was too low. He needed to level out again before they could show him. How, she had no idea.

However, she was left feeling pretty lonely, with a lot of feelings she didn’t know how to direct. So she fell back on an old standby.

Wrath.

Kravitz was talking to a lawyer when Lup burst into the hallway yelling “KRAVITZ!” 

Kravitz blinked, turning to her, “Uh,” he said to the prosecutor, “Give me a minute, will you?”

The prosecutor got the hell out of dodge as Lup stormed up to him. “Lup, you have the day off, what are you doing--”

“You have three seconds before I punch you in the face.” She snarled at him.

Kravitz blinked, “Why? What’s going on, Lup you--”

Kravitz quickly dodged out of the way as Lup’s fist went flying at him, hitting the wall behind him instead, “OW,” She shouted, “Mother in hell,” she started just cursing. 

“Well, you did WARN me ahead of time.” Kravitz said, She glared at him, eyes full of fury. “Stop,” he said/pleaded, “Let’s just go somewhere we can talk.”

He half guided, half pulled her into the hidden half of the interrogation room, “You left?!” she demanded, “He was...You were on an amazing date with a total hottie and you just LEFT? What were you--” 

She cut herself off as she noticed the woman sitting in the interrogation room, handcuffed to the table. She was an older woman, certainly didn’t SEEM all that malicious. “Who’s that?” 

“That,” Kravitz said, “Is Maureen Miller. Lucas’s mother, and the one who robbed the Crystal Kingdom.”

Lup blinked rapidly, her brain trying to catch up with her. “Wait, she robbed her own son?!” 

“Not entirely,” Kravitz said, “It was an insurance scam, between her and Lucas. They established Lucas’ alibi, and then sent HER in to commit the actual robbery. Lucas was in that motel, but his car wasn’t.” The corner of his mouth twitched, “Taako saw it around the corner. I found another street camera and confirmed it was Lucas’s. Maureen went around back and drove it off after. 

Lup’s mouth opened and closed multiple times, “I thought she was ill!”

“She is,” Kravitz said, “She hasn’t entered the later stages yet, but she will, it’s inevitable. Which is part of why the prosecutor is offering leniency.” 

Lup tore her gaze from Maureen Miller to look up at Kravitz. “So--wait.” Her brain still wasn’t keeping up, “Wait, what’s happening?”

Kravitz sighed, “When I made the discovery, I told the prosecutor. I got him to make a deal with Maureen. Her confession earns Lucas a house arrest, and she gets 18 months jail time.”

Lup blinked, “That’s….INCREDIBLY light for insurance fraud, especially of this scale!” she said, “Why would you do that?”

Kravitz shrugged, looking at Maureen through the 1-way mirror. “She was just trying to look after her son. And he was just trying to get some treatment for his mother.” He sighed, “It’s not like they hurt anyone.”

Lup stared at him, mouth agape. Her brain was catching up, thoughts slowly clicking into place until the image took form. She gasped. “You like him!” 

Kravitz snapped his attention to her, “What?”

“Taako!” Lup said, “YOU like Taako back! ‘Not like they hurt anyone’ thats something Taako says!” she grabbed his arms, too many emotions she couldn’t decipher flowing through her, “You LIKE him, and changed your attitude BECAUSE of him, and you….why did you leave him?”

Lup was pretty sure she had never seen a man look as uncomfortable as Kravitz looked right at that moment. “I didn’t--I mean I...I had a break in the case, so…”

“And it couldn’t freakin’ wait until morning?” she demanded, “Or at least an HOUR for you to finish your goddamn date? Hell, a few MINUTES to EXPLAIN would have been better!”

It was Kravitz’ turn to gape like a fish. “I just...I was excited about the development, and I...didn’t think…”

Lup rubbed both her eyes. This was supposed to be her day off, and instead she was spending it on numbskulls. “Ugh….I’d say I don’t know what Taako likes about you, but Barry’s a workaholic too.”

Kravitz looked oddly shy at that, “Taako….Taako said he likes me?”

“Oh god, this is so middle school,” Lup said, “YES, he likes you, or LIKED you before you ran off into the night and ruined like, 2 years of my work building his self esteem.” That was a bit of an oversimplification, but she was running on a roller coaster of emotions.

Kravitz swallowed, still looking awkward, “I need to go talk to him,” he said, heading for the door.

Lup sighed. She appreciated his determination, but… “Wait,” she said, hating herself a little bit. Kravitz listened and turned, “Look, I know my brother, and the man has Hugh Grant movies lining his shelves. So just….I can’t believe I’m saying this….let me help you.”

And with that, Kravitz smiled at her, “Thank you,” he said, genuinely, and sounded like he meant it.

“Yeah, yeah,” She said, “I’m doing this for Taako. I still think you’re a stick in the mud.” Kravitz nodded, but didn’t stop smiling. Good lord, if he had a tail it would be wagging. “Come on, we got work to do.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz does his best to make things up to Taako, and Lup has regrets.

Taako and Barry made it through a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food and the first season of Queer Eye at about the same time. “Stupid sexy firemen,” Taako pouted, “Unrealistic standards of what hot guys are like.”

Barry patted him on the back more. Taako whined as he hit the bottom of the carton with his spoon. “Barry, more.”

“I’m not sending you into a sugar coma,” he said, “Where do you PUT all that?”

Taako didn’t answer, just collapsed on the bed dramatically. He had gotten out of his self depricating phase, mostly, but landed fully in the self-pity phase. It was a fine line, but it was different. 

Barry did decide it was time for a break and some cleanup, so he grabbed the empty ice cream tub and took it to the fridge. When he came back, Taako was still laid out, unmoving. “She loves you, you know,” he said, “More than anyone. More than me, probably, not that it’s a competition.”

Taako turned over to lay on his back, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. “That’s the problem, Barry,” he said, “She loves me so much, she won’t leave me like everyone else,” he said, “She’ll let me drag her down with me, and I love her too much to do that.”

Barry sat at the head of the bed with him, “No one’s leaving you.”

Taako fiddled with his fingers, “Kravitz did.”

“Kravitz is either an idiot, a jerk, or something else is going on,” he said, trying to wipe crumbs (they’d dipped into other snacks too) off the sheets. 

Taako scoffed, “Yeah, something else like I’m a fucking disaster.”

“My dude, I have a frog liver in the fridge right now.” Barry said, “That is the highlight of my weekend. Lup is a little bit of a pyromaniac, and a bit too trigger happy than I’m comfortable with a cop being. At least I trust her.” He sighed, “And Kravitz….I don’t know the dude that well, but he’s a hard ass who doesn’t make friends, and is a little too obsessed with Beethoven.” He patted Taako on the shoulder, “we’re all fucking disasters.”

Taako whined a bit, but it was the best Barry could hope for.

A knock on the front door sounded. Barry sighed, getting up to go and get it, allowing Taako to fall limp again. “Hey Taako,” Barry called to him, “I think this one’s for you.”

With a ridiculous amount of groaning and grunting Taako made it out of the bedroom, wrapped in a snuggie, hair flying in every direction. He could feel the dark circles under his eyes. 

In the living room, Lup was shedding her coat and shoes, but given how Barry was still opening the door he had the feeling that wasn’t who Barry meant. He walked a little further in to see none other than Kravitz at the door, some snowflakes in his hair giving him a bit of a glow, holding a dessert box of some kind with a specialty logo on it. 

Taako rushed forward and slammed the door in his face, putting his back to it. Barry and Lup stared at him in surprise (though why they were surprised was more of a question.) Taako couldn’t really process it as the panic ran through him. 

“Taako, please,” Kravitz said through the door, “I just want to talk and...and try to explain myself a bit. If you don’t want to talk to me after that, that’s fair, just….” he trailed off, “I brought sunbutter cookies. They’re supposed to taste like peanut butter, but they’re made with sunflower seeds.”

Somewhere in the cocktail of panic, anger, and depression that was Taako’s emotional state, a drop of warmth mixed in at the idea. Still it wasn’t really enough to counteract all the other emotions. 

He turned on Lup, “Did you just threaten a guy into apologizing to me?” he demanded, “Because let me tell you, if you were looking to get me a pick-me-up, you picked so wrong on the list.”

Lup held up her hands in surrender. “I just went to go talk to the guy,” she said, which he didn’t believe for a second. He glared at her, “Ok, maybe I threatened him a little, but just to explain what the heck was going on, not to come here and apologized. That was his whole idea, I just guided him into ‘how.’” She chewed into the cookie in her hand, no doubt one of the sunbutter cookies she had stolen. “And boy howdy did he need it. Your boy had some real clunker apology ideas. He wanted to go with flowers in a homemade vase, which like, we did NOT have time for,” she listed things off on her hands, “And then he wanted to like...serenade you? With a violin rendition of Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby?’ Which, what?” 

Taako couldn’t help it, his lip turned up just a little before he remembered he was angry. Lup continued, “His last idea was, and I quote, ‘a bowl of beads’ and that’s when I put my foot down and told him to just get chocolates or something, but NO, they had to be SPECIALTY COOKIES we had to drive all the way across the city to pick up.” She sighed and shook her head, “What the hell kinda date did you go on, ‘Ko?”

The best one he’d had in a long time, he thought to himself, but words weren’t coming up. 

Lup came up to him, a lot softer expression on her face, and held his arms. “This isn’t about getting rid of you,” she said, “And this isn’t about pushing you off on someone else. This is just to show you….people care about you. And we’re going to keep caring for you, in ups and downs and everything in between. Now I, as your sister, will always be closest, and if Dragitz out there or anyone else tries to fight me for that title, I WILL slap them down,” Taako couldn’t help his snort, “But you have other people too. A lot of people. And you’re not a burden. Sometimes you just happen to pick a date who’s also a mess.”

Taako smirked just a little. “Guess that’s what I deserve.”

“Hey, don’t even start that,” she said, tone kinder than her words, “You give him hell. Now I already nearly punched him in the face, so we got that covered,” he snorted again, “But if you still like him, and feel he has done enough to deserve a second chance, maybe smooch his face a bit, see how you like it.”

Taako smirked again, looking back at the closed door. There was a shadow underneath to show Kravitz hadn’t left. 

Taako took a shuddered breath, unsure if he was really about to do what he was going to do. Barry gave him a thumbs up and a wink, and Taako nodded. 

He opened up the door, and Kravitz jerked his head up, looking into his eyes. Taako swallowed again, but instead, just spread his arms out, showing his stained pajamas and messy hair and every other terrible thing about him. “So, this is me,” he said, “An unemployed former-youtuber with ptsd, anxiety, and depression. I also have some narcissistic tendencies, and I’m incredibly lazy so, uh,” he re-wrapped the snuggie around himself, “Don’t know if that’s what you were looking to sign up for, but that’s it.” He dared a glance into Kravitz’ eyes again, who was still giving him puppy dog eyes. “Your turn.”

Kravitz blinked, “Is that the game we’re playing?”

“If that’s what it takes to get your damn apology out, sure. Now shoot, ‘Chaboi doesn’t got all day.”

Kravitz took a deep breath this time. “I’m sorry,” he said, “Work has been my whole life for...basically my entire adulthood. I don’t know...I’ve never known any other way, but, I also really enjoyed our night up until then,” he said, “You call yourself...all those things, but the man I saw was...someone who cared a lot about the kid you were looking after, enough that you went larping and helped him and kept him safe,” he swallowed, “A man who lies, but can be so...incredibly honest at the same time it blows me away.” He bit his lip, “A man who...makes me re-think everything in the span of a minute. It’s….a lot.”

Taako nodded, “It’s kinda scary.”

“Yeah,” Kravitz said, “But I hope...I hope not bad scary.”

Taako nodded, “me too.” He reached forward and opened the box of cookies. One was obviously taken, but the rest looked untouched and pretty tasty. He grabbed one and took a bite. “These are pretty good,” he said, and Kravitz smiled in relief, “So, you came to ask me out right?” he said through another bite, “Shoot.”

Kravitz nodded seriously, clearing his throat, “Taako, would you--”

“Wait,” Taako cut him off, getting an idea, “Do it in the accent.”

The blood drained out of Kravitz’ face. “Now?” he asked, “Are...are Lup and Barry still here?”

“Mmhmm,” Taako said, “Come on up, guys, you gotta hear this.”

Barry and Lup came up to the doorframe, Lup quickly pulling out her phone to take video. Kravitz looked panicked between them. “Are you serious?”

“This is your punishment, bubelah,” Taako said, taking the sunbutter cookie box and handing it to Barry (Lup couldn’t be trusted.) “Lup punches, I prefer public humiliation.”

Kravitz took a deep breath, and for a moment, Taako wondered if he took it too far, if Kravitz was going to say this wasn’t worth it and take off. But then he was looking into his eyes and said, “Taako would yew do me the honor of goin out to dinner wif me?” 

Barry and Lup were cracking up immediately, clutching the doorway and each other to keep themselves up. Kravitz winced, knowing that video was going to be shown to everyone in his office by morning. 

But it was worth it as Taako beamed at him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.

The world froze for just a moment as they both actually realized what they were doing, and it was so nice. 

When one kiss ended, Taako started a second, and then Kravitz a third, until they were just standing there, pressed together. “Get a room, assholes!” Lup said behind them, her laughter having died down.

Taako smiled, pulling back just a bit, “Give me a bit to shower and change and then we can go, alright?”

Kravitz blinked, “Wait, now?”

“No time like the present,” Taako said, giving him a quick peck before running back into his apartment and his room to pick out an outfit. “Lup, don’t kill him!”

And then Kravitz was left alone in the doorway with Barry and Lup, who were beaming like predators who’d caught their prey, “‘Ello, Govna’,” Lup said in an impression of his accent, “We’ve got a LOT to talk about.”

**************************

Barry was trying to stay very, very, VERY focused on his morning bowl of cereal. 

He could feel Lup glaring at him from across the breakfast table, burning into his skull. He needed to say something to break the tension. “So, uh,” he said, “Operation Taakitz backfired a little, huh?”

He glanced up to look at Lup. He did not think she could glare at him more intensely than she had been, but she managed it. 

To fully understand the depths of Lup’s anger, you had to go back to when he and Lup first started officially dating, soon after Taako had come to live with her. The first night Barry had stayed over, the reason Lup and Taako had been discussing the night at all was because Taako had complained to Lup that the walls were very thin, and he could hear basically everything.

Barry and Lup apologized, and tried to be quieter, but there was only so much they could do. Eventually, they gave up, and let Taako just complain. They really weren’t being that loud, they thought. Taako could deal. 

Now, however, Taako was having his own new boyfriend over, and Barry and Lup finally understood Taako’s complaints of exactly HOW thin the walls were. There were some things Lup just did NOT need to hear coming from her brother OR her coworker. 

It had started bad enough. Last night, Lup and Barry had TACTfully excused themselves to their room, (they’d been doing a lot of wedding planning) and letting Taako and Kravitz have the couch to watch TV. That had quickly escalated. Lup and Barry tried to pretend they couldn’t hear anything, but that only lasted so long as eventually they wanted to go to SLEEP like normal people. Lup had to bang on the wall, and even then, they kept getting woken up by stupid giggles and low voices. 

Finally, FINALLY, they managed to get some sleep….only to be woken up by those same sounds in Taako’s room the next morning. 

So here they were. Sleep deprived. Very awkward. And Lup was quite comfortable pinning the blame for all this on Barry. 

The noises finally stopped, and the apartment was flooded with awkward tension. Taako’s door opened, and Kravitz stepped out in a t-shirt and boxers (WAY less dressed than they had ever seen or ever needed to see). The tension in the room hit him as he saw Barry and Lup. 

Lup transferred her glares over to Kravitz, who was at least accustomed to it, though not in this setting. He silently went for the coffee maker on the counter, his own silence adding to the tension. 

A minute later, Taako stepped out too, looking WAY too proud of himself and (possibly intentionally) oblivious to the tension. He was wearing his bathrobe, and Barry wasn’t sure if he had anything on under it (he didn’t want to know, really).

Taako flung himself over Kravitz shoulders, and they talked about something quietly, going back to giggles. Lup didn’t think she would ever hear Kravitz giggle, and now that she had she didn’t want to. “Can’t you two go over to Kravitz’s for once?” Lup muttered. 

The happy couple paused their conversation to look over their shoulders at her. “Kravitz’s mom lives with him,” Taako said, “It’s just too weird.” 

This was weird, Lup wanted to say, but kept her comments to a simmering glare. “I can talk to her about maybe if she ever leaves,” Kravitz said, “She has a girlfriend, so she sometimes is at her place, so…”

“Don’t worry about it, cheekbones,” Taako said, running his thumb over Kravitz’ aforementioned cheekbones, “Lup can handle it, that’s what twins are for, right?” He smiled mischievously at her, immune to her death glare. He just kissed Kravitz on his cheek, “C’mon babe, I think we should have a nice lazy day in bed.”

Kravitz swallowed, looking between the twins, “I don’t know, maybe I should get going, I have some things to do before work tomorrow…”

“Oh?” Taako said, seeing through his flimsy excuse easily, “What if I….” he leaned in, cupping his hands around Kravitz ear and whispering to him. 

Whatever Taako was saying, it made Kravitz nearly drop his mug of coffee. It was hard to see a blush on his face, but there was certainly more color to him. “I um…” he swallowed thickly, “Taako, my coffee…”

“Take it with you, stud,” he said, pulling on his arm, “Come on.” 

Taako pulled a willing Kravitz into his bedroom again, the both of them completely ignoring Lup’s glares trying to burn a hole through the door. She took a deep breath, putting her own coffee down, “Come on, Barry,” She said, “We’ll show them.”

Barry sighed, “Lup, honey, they’re just excited. They’re in a new relationship, they’re enjoying it to the fullest, lets just let them have this.” 

“This is WAR they are starting, Barold,” Lup said, “Now come on, show me your moves.”

Lup tugged on his arm, a bit fruitlessly, but he reluctantly put down his food, stood up and held her shoulders. “This is a war you can’t win, love.” he said, “Let’s go out, we can look at some vendors for the wedding and go somewhere for lunch, alright?”

Lup groaned, and Barry knew it wasn’t exactly the furious revenge she was looking for. “Fine,” she relented, “But if they’re still going at it when we come back, THEN it’s war.” 

“If they’re still going at it, I have questions about both their stamina…” Barry said. Lup scrunched up her nose in disgust at the thought, and it was just too cute. Barry chuckled and kissed her, “Come on, love. We’ve got a lot of our own business to set up.” he led her to their own room for them to get dressed and go out like the boring old couple they were, and he loved every second.


End file.
